It takes 7 minutes
to die if you choose
to wrap a noose around your neck.
But here I was thinking,
that you had died in a minute flat.
Now I’m wondering if you spent
those seven minutes
trying to get your feet back on the chair.
I wonder if you spent those
7 minutes,
trying to get your life back.
Older boy with
the silver car
left his heart in
his ex-girlfriend’s bed,
and tried to buy
mine instead.
Older boy with
his foot on the gas pedal,
ate dinner in his car
with me for
three days straight,
and yelled at me
when I asked of we
could take a break.
Older boy with
his guitar in hand
tried to teach another girl
how to show love
through a six-stringed
instrument,
when I went out
without him.
Older boy with
brown eyes
watched me fall
to the floor drunk,
and walked away,
and ignored me when
I cried.
Older boy who
really isn’t much older,
stopped looking at me
in class,
and said that I had acted sloppy,
even though I never
judged him
for something that he did,
and I still loved him.
Older boy who
used to be my friend,
turned me into silver,
from gold,
and now that older boy
doesn’t seem so old.
I think it’s just stupid because if I’m correct,
and I think that I am,
you have stopped liking me as a person, or even as a romantic interest,
because of one thing I did,
but I have never judged you, or hated you, or lost respect for you because of something that you did,
and you have done things much worse than I.
How did I know.
WHY CAN’T YOU LIKE ME,
INSTEAD OF LIKING ALL THE GIRLS WHO DON’T LIKE YOU.
I LIKE YOU.
I HAVE LIKED YOU FOR 4 YEARS.
I WILL PROBABLY STILL LIKE FOR IN 4 YEARS FROM NOW.
DAMN IT,
WHY CAN’T YOU BE INTERESTED IN ME
Last year today was my first official day at work!
I’VE COME SO FAR
I just really like Star Trek
so you used to look at me all class every single day,
and make silly faces at me from across the class,
and say hi to me,
and bye every single day,
but now after Sunday,
you won’t look at me,
if we make eye contact, you look away as fast as possible,
you walk around me when you leave so that you don’t have to say goodbye to me,
and I have no idea what I did.
I’M SO ANGRY,
I THOUGHT YOU LIKED ME.
I’M SO ANGRY.
YOU LITTLE SHIT
IT JUST THUNDERED REALLY LOUD
AND IT SHOOK MY HOUSE
AND IT SOUNDED LIKE A GUN SHOT
AND I JUMPED, AND TURNED MY NECK SO FAST,
I THINK I PULLED A MUSCLE.
Sometimes I find myself imagining your body
wrapped around my own,
in a mutual friends bed
as we wait until our alcohol
turns back into blood.
Sometimes I remember what your
hands felt like,
curled into fists
as you hung them over my body
the way that I hang my jacket
over a chair after I get home
from work.
Sometimes I think my body still remembers
what your lower back felt like
against my palm,
because it felt
a lot like home.
Everything’s gone to shit
and I want to die
I have a vocabulary filled with words such as
Inertia, apocryphal, utopian and circumlocution,
but when I look at you,
I am brought to silence,
because no matter how hard I try,
I cannot string together a sentence
that explains just how ravishing,
and gracious,
and considerate,
and pleasant,
and merciful,
that you are,
and just how sorely I crave you.
I feel so stupid.
